Ok, so this is venting, not blogging. It's easier that sitting here crying or getting mad. I thought I was on the right road to feeling better. I decided to listen to the doctor for once and get the injection as he suggested. So, I go to work like a crazy person and work for a few hours in chaos. I then settle myself thanks to a phone call and prayer from Dan the Preacher Man. All is well... wrong!
I happened to notice while waiting for my blood work that the doctor's office has accidentally checked the box off for me to have an EKG. The nurse said we probably wouldn't have to do it since I had Cardiac Clearance and tons of test when I was pregnant with Jason. Well, my blood work showed I am quite anemic, so the doctor wanted the EKG done just in case. I think the box was checked on purpose... I believe it was God's way of saying I need to take care of an issue because the EKG was not good. It wasn't horrible, but if I had been getting general anesthesia, my procedure would have been canceled.
So, I am quite upset by this. It is now effecting other plans that Tim and I had... like trying for another baby. Not to mention that something could be wrong with my heart. I know my planning doesn't matter.... I know GIGATTATTGIG, but I want a break! I AM TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED, but I am so stressed out right now. Praying... praying... praying for peace and health. Needed to vent, but not to Tim. He can't handle this all right now either. I kind of just want to scream... maybe just cry... but for now I'll just pray. He is the great physician and the originator of all plans. I know if my focus stays on Him it will all work out...
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
I never thought it would be this hard...
So, I haven't posted anything in months, but after the week I have had, I just simply had to post something before my head explodes! I have so much to say, but no where appropriate to say it so here goes!
Ok, Sunday was a great day. We all went to church and the sermon was amazing. We saw family in the afternoon and attended a LIFE group on Fireproof that night. I remember saying to Tim that I was nervous about the week ahead, but I knew God would be there. I just didn't know how much He would be there this week.
On Monday I started back to school and nothing went right. My desktop computer wouldn't work right and my laptop was still being fixed or so I thought. I know now that my laptop is all but dead. It works for surfing the internet, but literally turns off when you unplug it. The battery is completely dead. I did end up buying a new one which should be here in a week or two. Thank God for tuition reimbursement! :)
Tuesday started the roller coaster ride I have been on. We now host a LIFE group on Tuesday nights for young married couples and/or single parents. The group has been going good, but this week was great. One of the couples who came stayed until almost 11pm. We had wonderful conversations and Alyson fixed my desktop computer. It was such a blessed night.
Wednesday was tiring, but so worth it. At the end of a hectic day I was able to witness an amazing thing- a teenager baptizing his younger brother. It brought chills and tears! It was so refreshing to see God at work in such young men. They are the future of this church, this country, and the world! Oh, did I mention they will likely be some of the men my son will turn to for advice one day? How amazing to see Austin baptized by his big brother!
Thursday...the down turn... I had a good day and a great conversation with Dan when he came over for a Bible Study with my mom and I. It truly was a refreshing talk. After he left, I went on my facebook and posted a comment that I thought was endearing, but it turned out to be offensive to a particular person. The comment simply read: "3 God centered days is a pretty wonderful thing". My brother didn't respond it to it very well. He made a semi-rude remark and after I responded because of several other remarks he has made in the past, he has decided to not only delete me off of his facebook page and now has also stopped talking to me. What a shock!
Matthew 5:10 says "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven." I had said on Tuesday at LIFE group that this verse was important to me because of some of my family's reactions since I have become a Christian. I didn't know it would reiterated throughout the week. I can not get past the fact that my own brother has stopped talking to me because I stood up for my beliefs in God and said that he should not make such rude comments. I have no way to explain how this feels. In a way, I am okay with him not talking to me. Where my problem lies is that he has 2 daughters that I won't see now. That is what crushes me more than anything else.
I know he may come around one day, but I will always remember this. Forgiveness has already taken place, but I am still hurt, not angry like I was. I had such respect for him, but now... I just don't know. I don't know how something like this could happen. I could understand it more if we were raised a completely different religion, but we were brought up in church and he still goes weekly or at least regularly, I believe. I need your prayers to fully get past this! It has caused conflict for not only him and I, but I caught myself arguing with Tim because I thought he didn't care enough about what was taking place. How ridiculous is that? I am embarrassed that it even happened, but here I type it for the whole world to see. That's just me though- for the good and the bad, I do tell it honestly! I was also so wrapped up in it that I couldn't focus on school and turned in an assignment late by accident. I can't allow him to effect my life like this. I need to get past it despite how hard it may be. I have never had this type of drama take place so I don't quite know how to deal with it yet.
Please pray that I can focus on school and that I don't take out my emotions on Tim for something he had no part of. Also, speaking of prayer requests... I have a few more. Please pray for Jessica and her continuing headaches to subside and 3 year-old Lauren who is waiting for a heart transplant.
I can't finish without saying how wonderful my sisters in Christ are. Through my discouraging week, they have been so ENCOURAGING! They have given advice, listened to my ranting, gave testaments on my facebook page, sent me emails and PRAYED for me. Are they not just amazing women? I am so blessed to have been brought to this church family and I thank God for them every single day!!!
Ok, Sunday was a great day. We all went to church and the sermon was amazing. We saw family in the afternoon and attended a LIFE group on Fireproof that night. I remember saying to Tim that I was nervous about the week ahead, but I knew God would be there. I just didn't know how much He would be there this week.
On Monday I started back to school and nothing went right. My desktop computer wouldn't work right and my laptop was still being fixed or so I thought. I know now that my laptop is all but dead. It works for surfing the internet, but literally turns off when you unplug it. The battery is completely dead. I did end up buying a new one which should be here in a week or two. Thank God for tuition reimbursement! :)
Tuesday started the roller coaster ride I have been on. We now host a LIFE group on Tuesday nights for young married couples and/or single parents. The group has been going good, but this week was great. One of the couples who came stayed until almost 11pm. We had wonderful conversations and Alyson fixed my desktop computer. It was such a blessed night.
Wednesday was tiring, but so worth it. At the end of a hectic day I was able to witness an amazing thing- a teenager baptizing his younger brother. It brought chills and tears! It was so refreshing to see God at work in such young men. They are the future of this church, this country, and the world! Oh, did I mention they will likely be some of the men my son will turn to for advice one day? How amazing to see Austin baptized by his big brother!
Thursday...the down turn... I had a good day and a great conversation with Dan when he came over for a Bible Study with my mom and I. It truly was a refreshing talk. After he left, I went on my facebook and posted a comment that I thought was endearing, but it turned out to be offensive to a particular person. The comment simply read: "3 God centered days is a pretty wonderful thing". My brother didn't respond it to it very well. He made a semi-rude remark and after I responded because of several other remarks he has made in the past, he has decided to not only delete me off of his facebook page and now has also stopped talking to me. What a shock!
Matthew 5:10 says "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven." I had said on Tuesday at LIFE group that this verse was important to me because of some of my family's reactions since I have become a Christian. I didn't know it would reiterated throughout the week. I can not get past the fact that my own brother has stopped talking to me because I stood up for my beliefs in God and said that he should not make such rude comments. I have no way to explain how this feels. In a way, I am okay with him not talking to me. Where my problem lies is that he has 2 daughters that I won't see now. That is what crushes me more than anything else.
I know he may come around one day, but I will always remember this. Forgiveness has already taken place, but I am still hurt, not angry like I was. I had such respect for him, but now... I just don't know. I don't know how something like this could happen. I could understand it more if we were raised a completely different religion, but we were brought up in church and he still goes weekly or at least regularly, I believe. I need your prayers to fully get past this! It has caused conflict for not only him and I, but I caught myself arguing with Tim because I thought he didn't care enough about what was taking place. How ridiculous is that? I am embarrassed that it even happened, but here I type it for the whole world to see. That's just me though- for the good and the bad, I do tell it honestly! I was also so wrapped up in it that I couldn't focus on school and turned in an assignment late by accident. I can't allow him to effect my life like this. I need to get past it despite how hard it may be. I have never had this type of drama take place so I don't quite know how to deal with it yet.
Please pray that I can focus on school and that I don't take out my emotions on Tim for something he had no part of. Also, speaking of prayer requests... I have a few more. Please pray for Jessica and her continuing headaches to subside and 3 year-old Lauren who is waiting for a heart transplant.
I can't finish without saying how wonderful my sisters in Christ are. Through my discouraging week, they have been so ENCOURAGING! They have given advice, listened to my ranting, gave testaments on my facebook page, sent me emails and PRAYED for me. Are they not just amazing women? I am so blessed to have been brought to this church family and I thank God for them every single day!!!
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