Life really is a roller coaster.... isn't it?

Ok, so this is venting, not blogging. It's easier that sitting here crying or getting mad. I thought I was on the right road to feeling better. I decided to listen to the doctor for once and get the injection as he suggested. So, I go to work like a crazy person and work for a few hours in chaos. I then settle myself thanks to a phone call and prayer from Dan the Preacher Man. All is well... wrong!

I happened to notice while waiting for my blood work that the doctor's office has accidentally checked the box off for me to have an EKG. The nurse said we probably wouldn't have to do it since I had Cardiac Clearance and tons of test when I was pregnant with Jason. Well, my blood work showed I am quite anemic, so the doctor wanted the EKG done just in case. I think the box was checked on purpose... I believe it was God's way of saying I need to take care of an issue because the EKG was not good. It wasn't horrible, but if I had been getting general anesthesia, my procedure would have been canceled.

So, I am quite upset by this. It is now effecting other plans that Tim and I had... like trying for another baby. Not to mention that something could be wrong with my heart. I know my planning doesn't matter.... I know GIGATTATTGIG, but I want a break! I AM TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED, but I am so stressed out right now. Praying... praying... praying for peace and health. Needed to vent, but not to Tim. He can't handle this all right now either. I kind of just want to scream... maybe just cry... but for now I'll just pray. He is the great physician and the originator of all plans. I know if my focus stays on Him it will all work out...

I never thought it would be this hard...

So, I haven't posted anything in months, but after the week I have had, I just simply had to post something before my head explodes! I have so much to say, but no where appropriate to say it so here goes!

Ok, Sunday was a great day. We all went to church and the sermon was amazing. We saw family in the afternoon and attended a LIFE group on Fireproof that night. I remember saying to Tim that I was nervous about the week ahead, but I knew God would be there. I just didn't know how much He would be there this week.

On Monday I started back to school and nothing went right. My desktop computer wouldn't work right and my laptop was still being fixed or so I thought. I know now that my laptop is all but dead. It works for surfing the internet, but literally turns off when you unplug it. The battery is completely dead. I did end up buying a new one which should be here in a week or two. Thank God for tuition reimbursement! :)

Tuesday started the roller coaster ride I have been on. We now host a LIFE group on Tuesday nights for young married couples and/or single parents. The group has been going good, but this week was great. One of the couples who came stayed until almost 11pm. We had wonderful conversations and Alyson fixed my desktop computer. It was such a blessed night.

Wednesday was tiring, but so worth it. At the end of a hectic day I was able to witness an amazing thing- a teenager baptizing his younger brother. It brought chills and tears! It was so refreshing to see God at work in such young men. They are the future of this church, this country, and the world! Oh, did I mention they will likely be some of the men my son will turn to for advice one day? How amazing to see Austin baptized by his big brother!

Thursday...the down turn... I had a good day and a great conversation with Dan when he came over for a Bible Study with my mom and I. It truly was a refreshing talk. After he left, I went on my facebook and posted a comment that I thought was endearing, but it turned out to be offensive to a particular person. The comment simply read: "3 God centered days is a pretty wonderful thing". My brother didn't respond it to it very well. He made a semi-rude remark and after I responded because of several other remarks he has made in the past, he has decided to not only delete me off of his facebook page and now has also stopped talking to me. What a shock!

Matthew 5:10 says "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven." I had said on Tuesday at LIFE group that this verse was important to me because of some of my family's reactions since I have become a Christian. I didn't know it would reiterated throughout the week. I can not get past the fact that my own brother has stopped talking to me because I stood up for my beliefs in God and said that he should not make such rude comments. I have no way to explain how this feels. In a way, I am okay with him not talking to me. Where my problem lies is that he has 2 daughters that I won't see now. That is what crushes me more than anything else.

I know he may come around one day, but I will always remember this. Forgiveness has already taken place, but I am still hurt, not angry like I was. I had such respect for him, but now... I just don't know. I don't know how something like this could happen. I could understand it more if we were raised a completely different religion, but we were brought up in church and he still goes weekly or at least regularly, I believe. I need your prayers to fully get past this! It has caused conflict for not only him and I, but I caught myself arguing with Tim because I thought he didn't care enough about what was taking place. How ridiculous is that? I am embarrassed that it even happened, but here I type it for the whole world to see. That's just me though- for the good and the bad, I do tell it honestly! I was also so wrapped up in it that I couldn't focus on school and turned in an assignment late by accident. I can't allow him to effect my life like this. I need to get past it despite how hard it may be. I have never had this type of drama take place so I don't quite know how to deal with it yet.

Please pray that I can focus on school and that I don't take out my emotions on Tim for something he had no part of. Also, speaking of prayer requests... I have a few more. Please pray for Jessica and her continuing headaches to subside and 3 year-old Lauren who is waiting for a heart transplant.

I can't finish without saying how wonderful my sisters in Christ are. Through my discouraging week, they have been so ENCOURAGING! They have given advice, listened to my ranting, gave testaments on my facebook page, sent me emails and PRAYED for me. Are they not just amazing women? I am so blessed to have been brought to this church family and I thank God for them every single day!!!

A day late...

I am exhausted, but I had to post a little something for Thanksgiving. I have to say that with all the grief our family has endured this year, Thanksgiving was surprisingly pleasant. I took some time yesterday to really focus on a few things that I am grateful for and this is my list.

*My God & His Son
*My husband and his TRANSFORMATION
*My mother and her strength
*My job in this difficult economy
*Family & Friends
*Pitman Church of Christ and ALL of my family there

And one of the things I am most thankful for.... my son! The absolute best thing came out of his mouth the other day when I was putting him to bed. It stopped me dead in my tracks and my heart was just bursting with joy! Any guesses what he said????? He said- "Mommy- I pray!" Is that not one of the most amazing phrases that could come out of a nearly 2 year old's mouth???? It truly melted my heart! I just love watching my family change so much now that God is in control. Transformation is amazing!

I have been running since about 4am, so goodnight everyone!

A lot to catch up on...

It seems like forever since I did a post. I broke my laptop computer, so now I have to use the one upstairs which is horribly slow and quite annoying for the most part. Plus, it is next to the baby's room and I really want to make sure I don't wake him. Which brings me to my first question- how long is he really a baby? My husband laughs at me for still referring to him as a baby now that he is approaching 2. The bad thing is that I call him "baby". This is bad because if you show him his picture or put him in front of a mirror and ask him who he sees, he says- yup, you guessed it- "baby". I think I may need to work on teaching him his name. LOL!

This last week has been a whirlwind for me. I got the dreaded confirmation that I am going to experience major changes at work in the near future, but now that I know for certain, I kind of feel peaceful about it. I can plan my next steps with prayer and time instead of in the moment. In the moment decisions usually don't work for me, so this is great. (I have time because the changed won't be until after the new year.) Then, on Thursday, I started my week of work- PRAISE GOD! I haven't had a week off since I went back to work when Jase was 8 weeks old, so this is definitely a praise moment for me.

It was all fun and games, as 3 of the days were for bereavement leave to bury Tim's grandmother. That went well, but it was odd. The preacher didn't know Gram or Pop (we buried his grandfather's ashes too) and didn't take the time to ask questions about them. He said a quick prayer, said they were in heaven together, read a quick scripture (so quick I didn't even catch the reference), and then another quick prayer. That was it! No memories, no thoughts, no comfort.... just 5 minutes and done. It was so strange! I have been to funerals before where the person wasn't a member at a particular church and the preacher didn't know them, but they at least asked questions prior to the service. Sorry, the whole not being judgemental part of Christianity is coming very hard to me.

Something not so hard....my language. Well, I guess I should say controlling my tongue. Sometimes I need to sit back and say "I get it, Lord!" Tim and I were talking the other day about how insulting it was to here so much profanity when we were in PA with his family. We actually had left a small family gathering at one point because the language was way out of control and we couldn't take it anymore. My comment to Tim as we walked out of the door was "WOW! We sounded like that just months ago, thank God He is changing us!" That was all we could talk about on Friday. Come Sunday, during LIFE Group, we were reminded again of what our words can do. Obviously, this goes beyond profanity, but all unkind words.

Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

So, I have to say that I am proud of me & Tim. We are works in progress, but the transformation is becoming obvious. I would have never imagined the day we would walk out of a situation because of language. Go God!!!! You are OBVIOUSLY All Powerful!

Ok, more updates! Sunday was my birthday and it was quite an awesome day! How better to spend a birthday than with my new church family in the morning and at night and with my mom, husband, and son in the afternoon? It was just perfect. The joke of the day was my husband didn't make me a cake, but he made up for it. He went to The Pub in Pennsauken and bought me my favorite cake...not a piece, the whole White Chocolate Chip Cake! Although we are now officially poor, it was so yummy! If you see me rolling into church next weekend, now you know why. ;-) Anyhow, we ate at Cracker Barrel because that is my favorite restaurant on Sunday's- anyone who likes friend chicken needs to go there on a Sunday! So as you can tell, the day was awesome, but I didn't even get to the best part... Guess who got to help serve communion on my birthday????? (ok, some of you were there so you already know) My husband, Tim!!!! How cool is that? My husband- served communion- WOW!!!!! Again, I just would have never thought it, but it happened....and on my birthday. It's just too cool! (Annette, please thank Dave on that one!) That was, without a doubt, the absolute highlight of my day.

I just love remarking at the changes I see in Tim. A few weeks ago, he did the closing prayer at LIFE group, now helping with communion, and he says a good night prayer with Jason every night. Sometimes lately, I can not believe that this is the same man I married 4 years ago. I wish we would have found The Truth sooner, but I am so thankful that we have it now!

Ok, lots of thoughts but I am getting tired. Oh, last one before my Blessing- I gave myself a birthday present too. I bought myself a Bible in One Year. I want to read the Bible in its entirety, so I decided that would be my present to myself. I am just so excited!

The Blessing: It's an obvious one given what was going on today. Katherine Cooper- what an inspiring woman! She is godly in so many ways! Loving, caring, kind, empathetic, generous, and so very knowledgeable. She is a gifted teacher... I know as she was able to get through to me! Katherine has the ability to touch so many hearts because she is devoted- she gave all of herself to her Father and lets him work through her. She is a true example of a christian woman, mother, and wife. The experiences she has had match no one else I know, but her faith is unshaken. She trusts Him in ALL times setting the example that we can all do it and SHOULD all do it. I just find it amazing that out of such trials, you, Katherine, manage to stay strong in your faith and continue to minister to others. You are truly a BLESSING to me, my family, and so many others. I thank God for you and Dan daily. I thank Him that through our trial, he brought us to Pitman and to you. We needed you and your family as we lost a piece of ours. Thank you for being our crutch and for taking so much time with us. We can never express our gratitude in words, but I'll be able to say "Thanks" for all eternity now! For those reading this, please remember Katherine in your prayers as she is recovering from surgery. Thank you!

Oh, if anyone reads this who is going to the Tuesday Ladies class, please let me know! I don't know what time it starts, but since I am off, I am thinking about going. Thanks again!

The say God works in mysterious ways, but I....

DISAGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, sometimes He does, but today- He worked in such obvious ways that you couldn't help but notice it! How awesome is it when God is so visible in our lives? I have had such a bad 2 weeks...see previous ranting post... that I really, REALLY needed today.

Tim & I were able to join Brenda, Carla, & Sherwin for a great dinner and wonderful conversation. The kids were a joy and my son was home with my dad for the evening which made me a lot less stressed. We were able to witness the beautiful Lexi achieve a milestone which I will let Brenda brag about, and the night was just perfect. Thank you for inviting us Brenda. Next get together I will be happy to host!

So after our gathering, Tim & I decided to go see a movie, not just any movie though. We went to go see the movie "Fireproof". All I can say is wow! This movie was so for Tim & I!!!!!!! Tim needed it, I needed it, our marriage needed it and so did our family. If you haven't seen it, you need it too!!!! The message is so profound and I hope it changes my marriage. I am still absorbing it at this point since we just got home, but I had to come on post my WOW day. I know some of you have been praying for me this week and I just want to say I feel those prayers and thank you!

Patti- thank you for recommending this movie to us! When are you free that we may be able to talk about it? :-)

It must be a test!

It must be a test!!! That's all I can say. Patti, I needed to be reminded of this scripture.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, “But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I need this everyday, but especially today. I haven't posted anything in the last few days and I have so much to say. I just need to clear my head. I need to read the word and I need to pray. I need to be filled with His word. I need to stop being so down today and realize that despite the trials, life is good. Why can't I get this through my head? I know that God is in control, but today I am struggling with letting Him carry the burdens. I can only pray that tomorrow is a better day than today.

Sorry to rant, but I have avoided a lot of people today and maybe they will read this and know it wasn't personal....I just need to be sad today and talk to my Father and ask for his strength as I feel weak...

What a week!

What more can I say than Thank God this week is over! Tuesday night was the only real exception....excluding fellowship times of course. This week has been rough beginning last Saturday and concluding today...I hope! I pray that God starts tomorrow off for me in a much better direction! I am ready to let this weeks negativity and trials stay in the past and look forward to seeing God work in so many wonderful positive ways.

Here is my confession on my biggest struggle so far in leading a Christian Life- my tongue! I am trying so hard to use it only to bless God as it is says James 3. (side note: the book of James was written for me!) I have to say that I am doing so well with this struggle. Things have happened in the past few weeks with work and home, and I find myself not reacting the way I once I did. I notice that I am thinking before I speak- which if you knew me before I rededicated my life to Christ is a huge accomplishment! I also don't use the same words in my conversations as I once did and that too is something to be proud of. Today, I had someone from work call and tell me that she was walking off the job and my reaction was to smile and say wow- I can't believe that just happened. Two months ago, I would've retold the story with several choice words and a lot of anger. God is SOOOOOOOO working on me! My husband even remarked to me today saying- wow, I can't believe you handled that in such a calm manner. It's so wonderful that people are noticing these changes, but it makes me see how corrupted I was at one time in my life. God, I know how hard it must be, but please.....keep TRANSFORMING me!!!!!

Tonight, at my mom's urging, I found myself reading the book of Ephesians. Yes mom, I too read the WHOLE book of Ephesians. Twice actually, the NIV version and the Message version. One section stood out to me during this study more than any other and I had to comment on it.

Eph. 2:18-22 reads "18For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. 19Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household, 20built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. 21In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. 22And in him you too are being built
together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit."

This scripture spoke to me in two different ways. First is the obvious- verse 22 is exactly how I feel right now. I feel like Jesus is going through my heart and saying- hey, we need some room in here and is throwing out all the junk. To that I say- there's a lot of junk- please throw it all out! ;-) (I can't help but think of the shirt I wore the night of my baptism- Extremer Makeover- LIFE edition!) Ok, time to be serious.... I do feel like Jesus is pushing out all of the bad things in my life and I couldn't be more thrilled about that. To know that Jesus sees all of the mess and still LOVES me and SAVED me is just mind blowing. That is the true meaning of non-judgemental, unconditional love. Aren't we all just so blessed to have this love given to us by our Father? It still amazes me and at this point, I am pretty sure it always will. I pray that my family and my friends sees the changes that this love can make and seek to learn the TRUTH as I have. As I told a friend recently, I am lucky to know her now on earth, but I would be BLESSED to spend eternity with her with our Father.

The second way I feel the scripture spoke to me is in explaining the Pitman Church of Christ. I know that our congregation's purpose is found in The Great Commandment (Matt. 22:34-40) and The Great Commission (Matt. 28:18-20), but this scripture explains a lot too. "...you are no longer foreigners.... but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household... In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple..." This explains what happened with my family perfectly! When we first start going to the Pitman church of Christ, we felt like foreigners (even to my home church to be honest). The people of Pitman welcomed us with open arms even without knowing who we were(Franny's family). Most didn't even know at first and still, they welcomed us and LOVED us. They showed us that we were HOME with our brothers and sisters in Christ and that we are now FAMILY, not foreigners! What joy it is to know that there is such a wonderful family we can turn to in time of need and in time of praise. I am truly blessed to call this congregation family and I look forward to raising my son and my future children in this family.

I am quite wordy tonight aren't I? Sorry, but blame my mom- she's the one who said I had to read Ephesians before I went to bed. She said I had to read Revelations as well about the seven angels so I guess I will go do that know and maybe find a basis for a post tomorrow. ;-) God Bless all who are reading this, but before I go...

The Blessing: I had to save this one for tonight as I want to ask for specific prayers for this person as she is returning to work for the first time in 4 months. This person, is my mom, Sandy. She has been known recently as a Franny's widow after his very sudden passing. She is obviously more than that, so for those who do not know her well yet, let me tell you who I believe she is. My mom is extraordinary! She is beautiful, smart, loving, devoted, caring, family centered, compassionate, knowledgeable, encouraging, courageous, willing, serving, helpful, and passionate. She is a loving wife, a wonderful mother and a marvelous gran-mom...not to mention a sensational cook! I can not come up with enough words to encompass my mother. She has been my rock for so many years and my best friend for all of my life. She is my son's favorite person (I'm not joking- you should see his face when he sees her!) and he loves her so much! I would be lucky to call her a friend, honored to call her family, but BLESSED by reasonable imagination to call her Mommy....which at the age of 25 I still do! I love you mommy and thank you for being you. I am so fortunate to be on this journey called life, and now Christian life, with you! <3>